


A Figment of Your Imagination

by Startanewdream



Series: Missing Moments [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Canon Compliant, Gen, James Potter is a Good Friend, Relationship Advice, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Remus Lupin also needs some sense, missing moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27882478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Startanewdream/pseuds/Startanewdream
Summary: After fighting with Lupin in Grimmauld Place, Harry wondered if his father would have approved what he had said to Lupin. Fortunately, James comes to give Remus his piece of mind. Set during Deathly Hallows.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & James Potter, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Series: Missing Moments [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107683
Comments: 13
Kudos: 39





	A Figment of Your Imagination

**Author's Note:**

> "Would James have backed Harry in what he had said to Lupin, or would he have been angry at how his son had treated his old friend?" - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
> 
> I've thought a lot about the question above and instead of working, I decided I could write my own headcanon about this answer.

There was a time Remus thought he’d always fear the night the most, especially a full moon night. That was in those dark years, when his friends were dead, and he believed the only one alive was a traitor.

Now, however, when he looks at the sunset, at all those vibrant colours in the horizon, he knows that this is the time of day he fears the most. That _hurts_ the most.

Remus averts his eyes, waiting for the sun to finally set; he prefers the stars, the dark sky, when the colour is _safe_. He is not proud of himself, but he knows, as Harry’s voice still ringing in his ears doesn’t let him forget, he _is_ a coward.

After a few minutes he looks up, but the sky has not changed. All those vibrant colours are still there, orange and pink and purple and blue and if he closes his eyes he can still remember that last day of their honeymoon, when he and Dora had spent their last peaceful moment together side by side on that cliff in Scotland, watching the sunset, and he thought everything was perfect in that moment. He can still remember the warmth of her body pressed against his, her scent, their happiness, and the way her hair kept changing colours to match the colours of the sky.

But Remus does not close his eyes, fear and shame and longing bursting in his chest. Still, as time passes, the sky does not change.

‘Weird, huh?’, asks a voice besides him and, when he turns, he is surprised to see Harry – shouldn’t he be on Grimmauld Place? It is dangerous for him to be out –

But it’s not really Harry, even though he sounds the same and most of the details are like a carbon-copy. No, the person besides him has hazel eyes, looks slightly older than seventeen-years-old Harry and has a carefreeness that Harry never had – the same one Remus always envied on him, always wanted to duplicate.

‘Ideal conditions for flying, wouldn’t you say?’, James says brightly, ignoring the fact that he has been dead for the last sixteen years.

‘James’, Remus calls shortly, and James turns to him with the same easy smile he gave Remus all those years ago, when they first became friends.

‘Remus’, he says, in the same voice.

For a moment Remus pauses, trying to understand what’s happening. Then Remus looks from the sky, still unchanging, to the very corporeal James Potter, who waits with more patience than Remus remembers of him ever having when alive.

‘I am dreaming’, he realizes.

‘Or maybe the madness within is finally becoming apparent’, James suggests grinning.

‘No, I’ve been mad for a while. But you are not really – I mean –‘

‘I am just a figment of your imagination’, James says playfully.

‘I think this is the first time I’ve dreamed of you – of something that is not a memory, at least’.

‘And why is that, now?’

‘I don’t know’.

‘I think you do, Moony’, James says gently, and Remus remembers of him as Head Boy, when he was helping a younger student to find a path to the classroom, how he seemed so mature back then. ‘You were always the clever one’.

Remus disagrees. James and Sirius had been the brightest in their year, best in almost every class, loved by the professors. Remus only studied a lot, trying to prove to himself – and to everyone – that he could be a good student, that he could earn Dumbledore’s trust in him.

Remus had always worked in earning the trust and love people had given him, even though he always felt there was not enough work that he could do to repay the friends he had.

‘You never needed, you know’, James adds. ‘To prove yourself. We were glad to be your friend as much as we were glad that _you_ were our friend. You were worthy, always has been’.

‘You sound like Harry’, Remus says, and now there is a Golden Snitch flying in the air, that James catches easily as his son could. ‘Or maybe he sounds like you’.

‘I think he sounds like Lily’, James ponders. ‘I wasn’t nearly as thoughtful as Harry is’.

‘You would be proud of him’.

‘Oh, I am’, James says, eyes glinting. ‘I think parents are always proud of their son, no matter what’.

It is like a hand suddenly gripes Remus’ heart and he lowers his eyes. They are finally approaching the reason he is dreaming of James Potter and he doesn’t know how to react. Harry’s words ring in his ear more forcefully than before.

‘Her child is better without me’, Remus whispers.

‘Yours’, James scolds him lightly. ‘I am pretty sure it was not an immaculate conception’.

Even through the shame, Remus can’t help but smile.

‘That was what Lily said’, he remembers. ‘When you told us she was having a child’.

‘“ _It’s our child, James, it wasn’t an immaculate conception_ ”’, James quotes, and there is a warmth on his voice. ‘She liked to remind me of that when Harry was crying in the middle of the night. “ _It’s your fault too, James_ ”, she would say, but I never really complained. I liked to watch him sleep. It was peaceful’. James pauses, and Remus feels his eyes on him, but he doesn’t turn. ‘Even with everything that happened, I was happy’.

‘No’, Remus interrupts him. ‘It is not the same, our situations are –‘

‘My son was hunted even before he was born’, James countered.

‘But that was not your fault, was it?’

James sighs.

‘I don’t know. When we were locked on Godric’s Hollow, when everything was just _too much,_ I’d thought that maybe I should’ve done things differently. Maybe I should not have fought so hard in the war, not join the Order, not married Lily’.

Remus blinks and turns around to look at James. There is a sad expression on his face that Remus has seen only on a few occasions.

‘No. That would not be you. You were too much honourable and brave –‘

‘I was reckless’, James notes. ‘I admired your self-control sometimes, you know? You were the only one of us that could really think before you did anything’.

‘I admired how you could jump in front of any danger’, Remus says bewilderedly. ‘I was always trying to be just like you and Sirius’.

‘You never needed to be like us. We may have influenced you a bit, give you the final push, but you were brave and bold too’.

‘My worst decisions were of when I was careless’, Remus whispers. ‘Letting you become animagus, not explaining my missions for the Order – that’s why you lost your faith in me, wasn’t it? -, and now, what I’ve done with –‘

‘You should have told us about your missions’, James says, interrupting him. ‘But other than that, every time you let your heart decide, more than any fear, you were happy’.

‘It was dangerous –‘

‘Life is dangerous. But living is the only way we can reach happiness also’. James takes a deep breath and looks at Remus with an expression that is the same as the one Harry had in their last meeting. Disappointment. ‘What are you doing, Remus?’

‘The only thing I can do’, Remus whispers. ‘I am only a risk for them –‘

‘You are at war, everything is unsafe.

‘You cannot understand –‘

‘Can’t I?’, James looks annoyed. ‘Lily was muggleborn, should have I kept her away from Harry?’

‘No, of course not –‘

‘Or maybe I should have joined the Death Eaters?’

‘No, that’s not what –‘

‘All those things would not have helped. The only thing I’d have achieved was giving Harry a reason to be ashamed of me’. James pauses and looks at the Golden Snitch in his hand. ‘I wasn’t a perfect man, but I tried to become the best man I could be. The man who my friends, my wife, my parents, thought I could be. If things were differently, if we had – I mean, I don’t know if I would have been a good father to Harry, but you can be damn sure he would have known he was loved every day’.

‘Harry knows. Your love for him is his Patronus, did you know?’

James smiles for a moment, then sighs.

‘And why are you forbidding your son of knowing this kind of feeling? Doesn’t he deserve your love?’

Remus raises his eyebrows, suddenly angry.

‘Of course he deserves to be loved. That’s why I am –‘

‘That’s why you are leaving your pregnant wife to her own? To bear your child and raise him on her own?’

‘I am thinking in the best for her – for them –‘.

‘No, you are thinking about yourself’, James says quietly. ‘In your guilt – and the worst part is that you feel guilty of being happy, you are scared of feeling loved’. When Remus tries to disagree, James shakes his head. ‘ “ _Happier than you have been all your life”,_ that’s how you felt when you found out she was in love with you, wasn’t it?’

‘How do you –‘

James pointed to himself.

‘Figment of your imagination, remember? I know what you know, and I know that you love Tonks. I know that you were happy with us, Remus, but it was not the same as when you were with Tonks. I _understand it._ Being a Marauder, our nights of full moon, your friendship, all of this meant the world for me. But my love for Lily, my feelings for her, for the family we were creating – it is _different_ ’. He looks over the horizon. ‘I know that you can’t see the sunset ever since you left her because it makes you miss her so much that you don’t think you will survive not going back to her and plead for her to accept you back’.

‘She won’t’, Remus says unhappily. ‘She told me if I left her, I should not get back’.

‘I am not saying it will be easy’, James ponders. ‘But then again, when is life easy?’

‘She doesn’t want me anymore’.

‘I’m not in her mind, so I don’t know what she feels, but this is what I do know: that woman is one of the bravest person I’ve ever seen and she is generous and _good_ and I really believe she loves you truly. But you broke her trust and that’s what you will need to repair, if you decide to. But if things doesn’t turn this way… She would not let you out of the life of your child, but you must decide, Remus. Whether you are in, or you are out, you can’t be in doubt forever’.

‘I –‘, Remus falters, but he knows what he’s been feeling for the last days. ‘I want _so much_ to be in their lives that I – it is so _selfish_ – but I love them, James, I really do. I’ve been in love with Dora for so long now that it feels like I’ve loved her all my life; I don’t remember how it was not being in love with her, not listening to her laugh, not feeling like her smile can lit up any room. And our child – it makes me _terrified_ – how can I love so much someone I’ve never met before –‘

‘It is because you are his father’, James says gently. ‘But your child will never know he is loved by you unless you are there for him, for as long as you can. Dora won’t know also unless you are there to tell her, every day of your life’.

And then James looks at the horizon, giving time for Remus to take a deep breath and to dry his eyes.

‘When did you become so smart?’, he asks, with a brave smile. James laughs.

‘I told you, I am just in your mind. That means you already know all these things I’m telling you’.

‘Some of it was Harry’s advice’.

‘Harry knows how is like to grow up missing your father’. James sighs. ‘He is anxious for arguing with you, you know. Worried if I would approve what he said to you’.

‘He was harsh’, Remus says. ‘But he was right’.

‘Tell him that when you can. And if you remember when you wake up – tell Harry I agree with him. Parents shouldn’t leave their kids unless they have to’.

Remus nods.

‘He is the best parts of you and Lily’.

‘He is’, James agrees brightly. ‘Same as Teddy will be of you and Tonks’.

‘Teddy?’

‘Ops’, James looks guilty and rises, just as the sky suddenly changes colours. ‘Our time is up. I think you will be waking up in a few minutes’.

‘Oh’, Remus feels the sadness creeping over him, the same longing he felt on the last sixteen years when he thinks of James Potter. ‘Thank you, Prongs’,

‘Anytime, Moony. It is nice to be the one giving you sense for once’.

Remus smiles, remembering of being accused, a lifetime ago, of being the only reasonable person in their group. As the sun sets, and James starts fading with the light, a thought comes to Remus’ mind suddenly.

‘James – you told me how Harry is feeling. If you are in my mind, just a figment of my imagination, how can you know –‘

The grin in James’ face is the same one he had during their pranks in school, the same one he gave Remus when he first informed him they would become animagus for him.

‘A Marauder never tells, Moony’.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed it, please let a review!


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